As I’ve discussed in previous posts, a widely held misconception is that men are responsible for holding women against their will in brothels. However, I have found that women are also  in fact running the brothels that are sexploitating so many helpless victims around the world. When I thought about this, I was so perplexed. “What sort of woman could do that to a fellow woman or child?” I asked myself. And so I went on a small venture to study famous madams across history who have made a living by selling sex. Some of these women have fascinating stories. Although their “success”  is in a profession that some may conceive as reproachable, madams are an important part of women’s herstory. These women have established businesses for themselves and generated revenues for other women at times when women were restricted to jobs as house servants, washerwomen, and seamstresses. As I have investigated some of history’s most fascinating madams, I must admit that even if achieved under scrupulous circumstance, these madams were strong and very powerful women.

As we embark on a small voyage to discover what it means to be a madam, it is only fitting to begin our quest in the Crescent City otherwise known as New Orleans. New Orleans was a city that was built on the backs of “loose lady” citizens and wayward sailor denizens. In the 19th century, red-light districts were founds in most cities of the United States. As our forefathers were discovering the West, ladies of the evening headed in the same direction to earn their keep in brothels, shacks, and other houses for “ill-reputed women.” But as author Al Rose tells us in the book Storyville, New Orleans, the Big Easy was home to the only legalized red-light district in the U.S. Rose’s book continues to uncover the truth that King Louis XIV and Louis XV were actually the ones responsible for shipping women of ill-repute to marry colonists of New Orleans. From the beginnings of its settlement, prostitution was a ubiquitous vice of the city.

Law-makers were unable and perhaps unwillingly to quell the rancor of New Orleans red light district. Sidney Story was the politician who wrote the legislation to delegate a section of the city where prostitutes could live and work. Al Rose’s book goes on to explain that the legislation by the City Council did not “legalize” prostitution per say. But, it did allow for the section of the city around Basin Street to be a contained center of lascivious practice. Outside of the parameters set by legislation, prostitution was not allowed. Probably to his dismay, the red light district of New Orleans would be called Storyville after Sidney Story. Storyville is the first and only example of a legally sanctioned section of a city in the United States that was permitted for such activities to take place within it’s boundaries. Storyville would see the rise and fall of successful madame’s such as Hattie Hamilton, Kate Townsend, Minnie HaHa, Josie Arlington, and Emma Johnson. Rose’s book credits Kate Townsend with adding the element of luxury to sporting houses in Storyville.

Of course, wherever there are illicit activities, crime and danger will surely follow. Storyville was perhaps one of the most dangerous places in U.S. history. 800 murders took place on Basin Street from 1820-1850. Human trafficking even took place in New Orleans most notably by Spanish Agnes at 98 Burgundy Street during the earlier days of prostitution in the Big Easy. In Al Rose’s book, he speaks of a Mary Thompson who used her cigar store to ”procure” young virgins. The women who ran these bordellos, whorehouses, and brothels had to be incredibly adept and well connected in order to not be consumed by the mire of Storyville life. What characteristics and survival mechanisms did these women posses to stay afloat during such tumultuous and reckless times?

To answer this question I turn to Karon Abbot’s book Sin in the Second City. Her book is a historical account of two of the U.S.’s most acclaimed madams, the Scarlet Sisters Everleigh. Minna and Ada Everleigh were the women wonders who conquered Chicago’s Levee District with their world renown Everleigh Club. The appeal of having a high class madam such as these was attracting the clientele the wealthy to the Everleigh brothel. If you’re going to be a lady of the evening, why not be a classy one? A quote in Abbot’s book from one of the sisters commenting on choosing the life of a madam reads something like: “It’s better to create the fantasy of someone else than living in one…” As Kate Townsend of New Orleans, the Everleigh sisters encouraged their high-class clientele to establish credit accounts. Their system of checking credit was as efficient as the modern day credit bureau although calculated by illegitimate means writes Al Rose.

The Everleigh sisters attracted clientele such as the King of Prussia who began the fad of drinking champagne from a woman’s shoe. Everleigh girls were schooled in the works of Balzac, proper grooming, presentation, and all other aspects of being “a lady”. Girls were banging down the door to work for the Everleigh sisters. There was no real competition with other madams although underhanded antics by the likes of a Madame Vic Shaw would annoy the sisters. Using prowess, shrewdness, and sheer genius, women like Minna and Ada Everleigh and their contemporary madams survived the culture of whoring.

They boasted famed bordellos with exquisite decor and all the girls dressed impeccably. It was an honor to be considered an Everleigh girl. The security of working for a high-end madam was the safety from street life, abusive madams and sketchy clients. The appeal of madams such as Minna and Ada were their efforts to refine their ladies. In a profession considered so vile, they endeavored to esteem it to its highest regard. With connections to underworld bosses and city politicians, the sisters operated for several years and won world-wide acclaim. Their legacy still lives in our culture today. The term getting “laid” can be drawn back to the common phraseology of their clientele. Visitors of Chicago with superior social standing would proclaim: “I’m getting Everleigh-ed tonight”. That eventually was shortened as people now saying: “I’m getting laid tonight.” Abbot’s book explains how New York City became known as the Big Apple. Apparently, a prestigious madam by the name of Eve attracted her clientele by advertising the “apple bottoms” of her girls. Hence, people would traverse to New York for a bite of one of Eve’s “big apples”.

I find the work of these women to be incredibly fascinating. On the one hand, I feel that madams subjected women horribly. However, on the other hand I realize that prostitution was and remains a tangible reality. These women were strong enough to shelter girls, refine them, and offer them a glimpse at a lifestyle that would have been unthinkable otherwise. Most girls could never dream of learning to read and write, never mind quoting Balzac and maintaining intelligent conversation.

Madams like the ones mentioned economically empowered themselves albeit by illegal means. Even if their practice was immoral in several respects, should we still credit these madams for protecting their girls from the evils outside of their bordello and brothel walls? Are madams completely evil and should they be stricken from Women’s Herstory as they mostly have been? Or should we attempt to study the past of these women (many were prostitutes) to discover why they would perpetuate the cycle of what most would identify as sexual violence? Knowing what the life of a whore brought, why would they encourage, coerce, and maintain women and young girls in keeping the same sort of lifestyle?

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

What it takes to make a modern woman

The Bonnie Behind Clyde

The Herstory of the Taj Mahal

The Herstory of Madame Mao

Is it still a man’s job to approach a woman?

Women complimenting other women

My life was so boring til’ I started whoring-NA

Other Posts by Eryn:

Human Trafficking Domestic and Abroad

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

Carol Leigh, better known as the “Scarlot Harlot” is an activist, film-maker, and prostitute. She has worked with the COYOTE organization and coined the phrase “sex work” in the late seventies during the sex workers equal rights movement. I learned about Carol’s work when I read the book Sex Work which is a collection of short stories, essays, and poems from women in the sex industry. The authors give their first-hand accounts doing sex work as exotic dancers, adult film entertainers, and some very “high-class whores”. Carol Leigh’s essay entitled Confession of a Priestitute has forever altered my view of sex work and what it means to go “whoring”.

In her essay Confession of a Priestitute, Carol provides the definition of prostitution as something like: “the selling of one’s goods for an unworthy cause.” There is no mention of an exchange of sex for money in this definition. I was very intrigued when I read this because I had always assumed that prostitution was nothing other than a hussy on the street corner turning tricks for some spare change. Carol’s article challenged everything that I “knew” about prostitution.

According to dictionary.com, the definition of prostitution is: “base or unworthy use, as of talent or ability.”  Carol said that prostitution is the exchange of one’s good for unworthy cause. This broad range of prostitution, as mentioned by Carol and dictionary.com, leaves many more women on the unfavorable side of “whoring”. Carol’s essay was so fascinating because she asserted that women working in companies that aren’t paying them enough for the great work that they provide, meet this definition of prostitution. How many of us get “pimped” by our bosses because we’re afraid we won’t be able to find work somewhere else? How many of us allow our dignity to be compromised by verbally abusive mangers because we’re trapped by our jobs? In other words, we have the service, they have the money. And according to the reasoning of Carol Leigh, folks like this are “prostituting” themselves.

At first, I wasn’t quite convinced by Carol’s argument. I felt like she was taking her definition of prostitution completely out of context. But as I read on, I slowly began to understand the argument that she was making. Carol challenged the idea that prostitution only happens in massage parlors and on street corners. The common scenario that most women find themselves is while out to dinner with a male suitor. On any date where a man pays for a woman’s meal and then spends the night with a woman, an unconventional form of prostitution has taken place suggests Carol. In many cases, the gentleman won’t go on a second or third date with the young lady, and she’ll be lucky if she gets a courtesy call the next day.

Though it goes against everything that every woman has learned in regards to dating or prostitution, there is some validity to Carol’s argument. An exchange is taking place and more specifically the exchange involves sex and dinner, drinks, and maybe some casual conversation. Carol further probes instances where women prostitute themselves for emotional connections or validation from their partners who they are “intimate” with. With dictionary.com’s definition of prostitution, these young women are partaking in an “unworthy use of their ability or talent”. Women who end dates where they were “treated” by the man who acted like a “gentleman” by paying, certainly were treated but not like the lady that they thought they were. For Carol, these women “are quite ready to start whoring”.

Throughout this Women’s Herstory Series, we have discussed sexploitation in depth. Sexploitation involves the coercion and forced participation of unwilling women, children, transgendered and other marginalized individuals in sex work. Some individuals involved in the debate about sex work may suggest that the efforts of women like Carol Leigh to decriminalize prostitution will actually work to eliminate a black market for buying sex.

I’m not sure if legalizing prostitution is the most suitable solution but decriminalizing prostitutes will give sex workers more protection under the law, access to services, and bring them out of the dark alleys and covert underworld of sex work. Grotesque sexploitation occurs under such dire conditions because of the laws that are in place to “protect” the good of the people. Who is being protected by these laws really? Prostitution is the oldest profession and will continue to exist whether it is found socially acceptable or not. Sex workers are set on the periphery of the socio-political agenda and yet their services are sought by people from all levels of the socio-economic strata. Even simply basing one’s opinion off of a fundamental public health concern may be substantial grounds to reanalyze conventional notions of sex work and workers.

In another essay of Sex Work, an essayist quotes a song that she was beginning to write. The lyric was: “My life was so boring til I started whoring.” As we see from Carol Leigh’s essay, “whoring” takes place under so many interesting circumstances. After considering the argument of Carol Leigh and reading the definition of prostitution provided by dictionary.com, do you recognize examples of “questionable” forms of prostitution around you?

Even if you aren’t exchanging your talent or ability for sex, are you exchanging them for love, affection, validation, or just to keep a “9-5″?

Has your view of prostitution changed?

On your next date, who will be paying for your meal regardless of if you go home together or not?

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

What it takes to make a modern woman

The Bonnie Behind Clyde

The Herstory of the Taj Mahal

The Herstory of Madame Mao

Is it still a man’s job to approach a woman?

Women complimenting other women

Other Posts by Eryn:

Human Trafficking Domestic and Abroad

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

There are numerous misconceptions surrounding this new focus on human trafficking. Some of these misconceptions include that girls are only exploited by men for sex. But, brothel owners that are exploiting women are often owned and operated by women. The second misconception is that human trafficking is a foreign problem but it is something that takes place right in New York City and all over the U.S. Forced prostitution is not only imposed on women of Eastern Europe but on young girls and boys on every continent, in every country, in every city.

Carol Smolenski, the Executive Director of ECPAT, was the first of five panelists to speak at last night’s engagement. Her discussion focused primarily on American children who are trafficked and forced into sexual slavery. There are very few reliable sources of statistics on human trafficking, but she cited a study by UPENN that said 4,000 children in New York City are exploited by sex trafficking each year. Carol spoke about the Victims of Trafficking and Violence Protection Act of 2000. This law is significant in the fight against human trafficking because it treats children forced into prostitution not as criminals, but as victims. Before this act, there was a widely held belief that young women on the street that were sold for sex were just “bad kids”. But, this new act ensures that these young women are entitled to services and treated as victims.

Carol also mentioned the ECPAT report entitled: Who is there to help us? This report discusses the fact that children are criminalized and punished when they are found prostituting themselves when in fact, they should be treated as victims. The road to prostitution of young girls is usually paved with some form of sexual abuse and neglect by the child’s family. There is also a “silence” around sexual abuse as mentioned by Carol. The abuse is unaddressed. Pimps prey on these young women and often use this line of reasoning: “You’ll give it up for free at home but you won’t accept money to get paid for it?” Pimps are mass manipulators and they pervert young children while preying off of their needs for love and affection. Carol referenced the wonderful organization G.E.M.S. based out of NYC and their film Very Young Girls as a source of information on domestic human trafficking and forced prostitution. Carol continued with mentioning the significance of the New York Safe Harbor for Exploited Children Act which was the first law of its kind to treat children under the age of 16 as victims and make them eligible for services.

The second panelist to speak was Jennifer Dreher from Safe Horizon. Jennifer’s contribution to the panel included an emphasis on victims of forced labor. Jennifer explained that New York City is one of the top three destinations for human trafficking in the U.S. There are 100,000 to 3 million people domestically trafficked each year. Reports show that up to 17,500 people are trafficked into the U.S. yearly. As mentioned by previous panelist Carol Smolenski, there are few accurate statistics on how many people are actually trafficked because of the clandestine nature of these operations.

Jennifer’s organization focuses on foreign born survivors trafficked in the U.S., explaining that human trafficking is so hard to identify and address because there are so many conflicting definitions of what human trafficking actually is. There is are various definitions under international law, a federal definition, individual state definitions– if parties can’t agree on what human trafficking actually is, how can they adequately address it? She continued to point out that the media “sensationalizes cases of human trafficking”. Most often, movies and documentaries may focus on one particular group of exploited people such as women from Eastern Europe who are held as sex slaves. Sex slavery is a a problem, but Jennifer estimates that as many as 60% of women who are trafficked into the U.S. as labor servants.But, these victims of forced labor are also subjected to sexual violence and physical torture on top of forced labor. Jennifer’s question to the attendees was: “How can you say if victims of sex trafficking have it worse than victims of labor trafficking if both groups are treated inhumanely?” Jennifer pointed out that service providers need to be focused in their outreach because human trafficking covers so many different issues, and organizations should be prepared to deal with each issue in a comprehensive manner. Also, Jennifer discussed the widely unaddressed issue of transgendered individuals in NYC who are forced to perform sex acts for survival.

Celhia de Lavarene, President of STOP, was the third panelist. Celhia is a French-born woman who worked in Bosnia as a political journalist. There she discovered two young girls tied to a bed with tape over their mouths. These two young girls had been missing from their parents for six months. Celhia gave a heart-felt speech about why human trafficking is such an important issue that requires a global response. Celhia explained that many children who are forced to work in brothels have been kidnapped by their parents. But, when men frequent the brothels, they just assume that these young children want to be there.

Celhia highlighted that human beings are mobile and victims are stationed in countries like Liberia only for a short time to be sent to places like the Philippines, Ukraine, and Egypt, going on to mention that human trafficking yields a 7 billion dollar profit annually in Bosnia. Because women can be sold over and over again, they are more profitable than guns and drugs, which can only be sold once. It is a more lucrative business than selling arms or other illicit substances. Shockingly, Celhia unveiled the reality that UN peacekeepers are sometimes clientele at these brothels that victimize young girls. UN peacekeepers have a certain level of immunity from the law. Hence, they go to brothels for sex with children and go unpunished for their actions. Her talk was ended with a sincere charge for all attendees to get involved in the fight of human trafficking in any way that they could.

Guy Jacobson was the fourth panelist in the evening’s discussion. He works very closely with Somaly Mam and has produced several documentaries, written books, and speaks with Somaly on panels across the world. Guy is currently a film maker but in his previous profession, he was an investment banker and attorney. While in Cambodia filming a documentary on child sex trafficking with Somaly Mam, Guy relieved phone calls from intelligence personnel warning him that there were death threats on his life from the Chinese, Vietnamese, and Cambodian mafia. Making movies in Cambodia exposing their most lucrative business was not a wise move, Guy was warned. In order to continue with his documentary, Guy and Somaly had 40 armed body guards with machine guns.

Guy, like Somaly, emphasizes that because there is a demand for sex with children, there is a supply for this industry. Guy discussed his action in attacking the clientele of these brothels, who are sometimes prominent Western businessmen. Guy suggested making the industry of sex with children more expensive, making the punishments more severe for offenders who rape children, and he also suggested clarifying the law in regards to child trafficking.

As an attendee, the most moving part of Guys’ delivery was his use of the word “rape”. In most cases that I’ve witnessed in discussing child sexploitation, words such as trafficking and forced prostitution are used. When Guy used the word “rape”, it added a new bone-chilling element to what is happening across the world. Guy mentioned that if a child was a prisoner of war and was raped by military personal, it would be considered a violation of the Geneva Convention. Guy added that our governments would be taking serious action against these crimes. He stressed the need for the same reaction to be had when we learn that children in foreign countries are raped. Some of these children are raped 50 times in day..

After hearing all the panelists and eventually the words of Somaly Mam, I was evermore inspired to work with initiatives to stop this horrendous crime against humanity and these very young adults. Last to speak was Somaly Mam who has saved 6,000 children from brothels and has established the Somaly Mam Foundation. In the previous article on Somaly Mam, you can find the wise and life changing words of this woman. She encourages people everyone to get involved in the fight against human trafficking and to “empower victims” whenever we can.

Next month, the United Nations Association with be filming Guy Jacobsons’ documentary “Holly”. Tickets are $10.00 and you will need to R.S.V.P. on-line prior to the showing.

Other Posts by Eryn:

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

What it takes to make a modern woman

The Bonnie Behind Clyde

The Herstory of the Taj Mahal

The Herstory of Madame Mao

Is it still a man’s job to approach a woman?

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

All women are beautiful in unique and undeniable ways. With the toxic level of  homophobia that still exists in our culture, it becomes uncomfortable when a woman wants to compliment another woman on her physical appearance. Unless two women are more than acquainted and have established a friendship, comments on attractiveness are often off-limits. This leaves women in a bind, because as we’re not acknowledging the beauty of another woman, we are not allowing others to acknowledge our beauty. It’s a vicious self-defeating cycle. But when does a friendly compliment cross the line? Is it okay for a woman to compliment another woman without being accused of hitting on her? 

As I discussed in my previous post about approachability, women leave the power in the hands of men to make them feel beautiful. If a woman is confronted by a male, she gets the message that she is desirable. However, a lot of women aren’t confronted by men for reasons absolutely unrelated to desirability. Most of these women are so desirable that it’s assumed they’re already taken. As human beings, we define ourselves in part by what other people think of us. But, if we’re not hearing from men that we’re beautiful, we need to hear it from other women.

As a woman, I find it hard not to notice the beauty in other women around me. I’ve always been friendly and outgoing. But as much as these characteristics have broken down many barriers, being friendly and outgoing has sometimes left me very misunderstood. Most of my close friends admire my ability to compliment their physique and physical attractiveness. One friend in particular has noted that it requires a sense of security in order to go out of one’s way to render a kind word to her fellow woman.

As noted in the article Is it still a man’s job to approach a woman?, there are still women who slowly self-destruct if they aren’t sought out for invites to dinner and “Can I get to know you?” conversations. How do we control for that? In a perfect world, a woman would have 100% self assurance no matter what affirmations or insults were thrown her way. However, we live in an imperfect world that floods us with unrealistic standards of beauty. So while the world is beating us down and telling us that every part of our face and body needs a little nip and tuck, we should be uplifting one another and recognizing the beauty that is not subject to a surgeon’s knife or an airbrush job.

Complimenting a woman can be very disappointing and very frustrating. Some women are bewildered by unsolicited comments on the appearance that they spent hours primping anyway. I have seen women walk right by men who are just saying that they look beautiful. I’ve been guilty of this myself. I have been on the receiving end of a woman looking at me like I have seven heads just because I said that I thought she was beautiful. I think that women who pass up these compliments are cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Men will stop complimenting women if we just walk right by them or ignore the fact that someone is speaking to us. Meanwhile, women who compliment other women are afraid of false accusations of making sexual advances on those who they simply wanted to admire. Ultimately, we have created so many barriers to acknowledging something as fundamentally human as beauty, that we are in many ways bound not to declare beauty where it exists. Darkness is not a force in itself, it is simply an absence of light. Likewise, non-beauty is not a force in itself. It is simply the absence of someone bringing it to the surface. Whose job is it to bring this beauty to the surface? Instead of defacing or denying the exterior that we were born with, let’s embrace and not erase the beauty in our fellow women. My question to the readers are:

1.) If it’s important for a woman to hear that she’s beautiful and men aren’t saying it, why is it awkward for a woman to compliment another woman?

2.) Why does the question of sexual preference always creep in the back of a woman’s mind when another woman says she’s attractive?

3.) Have you ever complimented another woman that you’ve just seen in passing? Why or why not?

If you have any interesting answers to these questions, write something in the comments section.  I always read them.

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

What it takes to make a modern woman

The Bonnie Behind Clyde

The Herstory of the Taj Mahal

The Herstory of Madame Mao

Is it still a man’s job to approach a woman?

Other Posts by Eryn:

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

During this Women’s Herstory Series, I want to discuss relevant issues that women face today while also honoring great women of the past and present. As the economy has changed from an agrarian foundation into the industrial sector, more women have left the conventional roles of homemaker, housewife, and other domestic occupations. Now, we see greater numbers of women in powerful positions making strides in the professional sector. Women have fought for equal rights, representation, and access to resources that their male counterparts freely enjoy. We demand equal pay and opportunity in all sectors both private and public. But for all of the fuss that women make about equality in their professional standing, do we really want the potential burden of equality in our dating lives too?

Burden in the equality of dating sounds like a loaded phrase. But, as I’ve met more and more very eligible single women who are looking to date, I encounter a common denominator in many of these singles. Most women that I know of still believe that it is the man’s job to approach and pursue a woman. Ironically, these are the same women who fiercely claim to be independent, self-confident, and self-assured. Well if you’re so independent, self-confident, and self-assured, why not walk up to your Mr. Right? (This article focuses on the exchange between heterosexuals but I will discuss the exchange between two women in a separate post.)

I challenge women with this archaic mentality of waiting for a male to approach them. While you’re waiting for your next date, potential male suitors are passing you by. When these women who wait on men to find them don’t have anyone ask for their number, they immediately internalize the lack of attention. Show me a woman who feels rejected and I’ll show you a woman who will start to temporarily self-destruct. “It must be my hair” or “I didn’t wear the right outfit” she’ll whine to herself and girlfriends. From the conversations that I’ve had with the opposite sex, a woman doesn’t have to always wear the perfect outfit. She’s allowed to have her imperfections. (Men who don’t allow for imperfection aren’t worth your time anyway.)

“So why aren’t these men approaching me if I’m a full package?” many women ask. It’s probably because they pick up on all your independence, self-esteem, and self-confidence that you boldly present. These men are more than likely intimidated by you. Or, these men may falsely believe that you’re seeing someone else if you look too busy to be bothered. Some women inadvertently make themselves unapproachable. If you find that you’re not attracting as many fellas as you want to, do a self-evaluation of your own approachability. Approachability exists in the little things like direct eye contact, body language, a cute smile and perhaps saying something like “Good day.” These ice-breakers show that a woman is friendly and open,  worthy of a second glance. It may be intimidating at first, but practice this a few times. There is a false idea that women who make themselves available are being trashy. Proper advertisement of one’s availability and exploiting oneself are completely different sides of the self-propagating scale.

Men have told me that it is actually sexy if a woman approaches them. It shows a genuine sense of self-confidence and an ability to go after what one wants. What man doesn’t want the kind of woman who knows exactly what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it? So, cast aside your self-esteem that may be a bit superficial, and the idea of what women should be, and try on a pair of big girl panties. Go after the one that you really want. Who knows, maybe he was too afraid to go after you.

In summatin, if we’re going to ask for equal rights, we better be prepared for what that really means. It means that you need to take all that equality that your ancestors have fought for and put it into practice. You can’t have all the glory without any of the guts. My question to the readers are:

1.) When was the last time you were approached? How did the scenario look?

2.) When was the last time you approached someone? What did that look like?

3.) Would you be willing to approach a man and ask for his phone number or a future coffee date?

4.) Do you think it’s time for women to start empowering themselves and approaching men?

If you have any interesting answers to these questions, write something in the comments section.  I always read them.

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

What it takes to make a modern woman

The Bonnie Behind Clyde

The Herstory of the Taj Mahal

The Herstory of Madame Mao

Other Posts by Eryn:

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

Madame Mao was on the of the most powerful figures in the People’s Republic of China during the Cultural Revolution from 1966-1976. She held significant influence and political power in Communist China under her husband’s Mao Zedong regime. Before becoming one of China’s “Gang of Four” that would create upheaval during its reign, Madame Mao was an actress in Shanghai. Her ability to play different parts and wear many faces explains this women who would die being known by eight different names.

Madame Mao was born by the name of Li Shumeng on March 14, 1914. Her mother was a “courtesan” which is a fancy word for a fancy prostitute. Anchee Min in her novel Becoming Madame Mao writes about her childhood in detail. Madame Mao witnessed the abuse inflicted upon her courtesan mother and after being cast out of their home by her father, Madame would escape to live with her grandparents. Witnessing harsh subjugation of women at an early age may have fueled many of the Madame’s efforts to attain power. Instead of “marrying her father and becoming her mother”, Madame did the exact opposite and became the oppressing force on the people and arts of China while she was in power.

Madame Mao had a small time acting career in China’s Shanghai during her early 20’s. One play that she featured landed her in prison as it was deemed “subversive to the authorities.” Anchee Min’s novel portrays what young Chinese actresses had to go through in order to even get a role on the stage in Shanghai. Often acquiring a role on the stage involved comprising oneself in various ways. Because her life in the theater didn’t offer much hope for the future, Madame Mao joined a student organization and the Communist Party which sources say was common for young people in their early 20’s at the time.

While in Yan’am, Madame Mao met Mao Zedong who would later become her husband and fellow revolutionary. Wen they first met, both Madame Mao and Mao Zedong had been through unsuccessful marriages. Interestingly, Mao Zedong’s second wife was mentally unstable and was residing in Russia. Later in life, Madame Mao was diagnosed as a hypochondriac who required two sedatives to manage through the day and three sleeping pills at night. Madame Mao was so particular about distraction that she didn’t allow servants to wear shoes in the Imperial Villa and she discouraged clothes rustling. Moreover, Madame Mao would require the house to be 21.6 degrees Celsius during the winter months and 26.5 degrees Celsius during the summer months.

After marrying Mao, his affections would dwindle. Mao would bring in virgins from the countryside for his pleasure while Madame Mao would sleep elsewhere. Their relationship turned from passionate to professional when Madame Mao suggested to Mao Zedong that theatrical works shown across China were contrary to his initiative. Madame Mao would then slowly rise to power. In the trial of her treasonous behavior, accusations were made against Madame Mao primarily in the area of destroying Chinese art and persecuting actors across China. Madame Mao staged Communist plays showing a binary message of “good” characters being those of the working class farmer and the “bad” characters being more educated and driven to make money. Madame’s Mao influence was primarily on Chinese art and theater which would control the messages sent to the general Chinese population. She was even accused of hiring people disguised as member of China’s Red Guard to raid homes of people in Shanghai that could possess information on her early acting career.

Madame Mao wore her hair very short and underneath a cap. She resembled the men of her time period and is often non-distinguishable when standing in pictures of her and the Gang of Four. This masculinity, or rejection of femininity and beauty, is significant to Madame Mao’s life and would impact the life of Chinese women. Many Chinese women would not grow their hair long and were forced to cut it in order not to be prideful or beautiful. In school, teachers cut all girls’ hair to make sure that all girls’ looked the same. My former professor still keeps her hair very short because she has grown accustomed to this look. Chinese culture at the time stressed being humble. In the language of Mandarin, it is customary to be incredibly humble in all words in phrases. If you are to complement a women by saying: “Ni shi hen piao liang” (You are very pretty), she should respond: “Nali, Nali” or “Bu Piao Liang”. I worked with a women from Shanghai and noted her beauty saying: “Ni hen mei” (You are very beautiful). She responded simply: “Bu mei” (Not beautiful). When this women moved to America, her hair was very short as was expected of her. She has since grown her hair very long and has embraced her beauty.

Madame Mao was also active in political groups to further the mission of Mao Zedong. When he died, records show that Madame Mao remained calm and showed no outward signs of grief. This ambivalence was also witnessed during her trial. Madame Mao dismissed her lawyers during the trial and represented herself claiming that all actions she took were in accordance with the decree of the late Mao Zedong. She was sentenced to death in 1981 but was changed to life imprisonment. She was diagnosed with throat cancer. She was released on a medical condition to a hospital where she hung herself. In the note found at the scene it said: “Chairman, I love you! Your loyal student and comrade is coming to see you.”

Madame Mao goes down in history unfavorably but nonetheless reached great heights in a nation where women’s rights were extremely limited. If she had used her power and influence for the betterment of society and the treatment of women, perhaps we would have seen a difference in the lives of women from the China’s countryside in present day. My Chinese professor, Huang Lao Shi, said that Madame Mao was kept on house arrest and was not allowed to speak to anyone outside of her home because she had spent a significant amount of time close to Mao Zedong. Authorities did not want Madame Mao discussing the personal life of Mao Zedong explained Huang Lao Shi. I deduct from this that there is still much about Mao Zedong and Madame Mao that we will never truly know.

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

What it takes to make a modern woman

The Bonnie Behind Clyde

The Herstory of the Taj Mahal

Other Posts by Eryn:

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

The modern woman is most likely jaded by love. The institution of marriage has been defiled by a perverse false commitment in so many instances. How do women reclaim their school girl notions that such a passion can exist for two people? Perhaps, if the story of Arjumand Banu Begum (also known as Mumtaz Mahal) and Prince Khurram (also known as Shah Jahan) were splashed on the cover of more magazines, there would be a renewed celebration to the power of love and all of the combustible emotions that it stirs up. As Women’s Herstory Month continues, I will review the story of Mumtaz Mahal. She is the woman who requested for the finest temple to be built in her memory, and out of dutiful love, her request remains granted.

Arjumand Banu Begum was a fourteen year old girl who fell in love at first sight. The man who captured the glance of this remarkable beauty was Prince Khurram. Accounts of Arjumand Banu Begum say that Prince Khurram was swooned by ”finding her in appearance and character elect among all the women of the time.” Her beauty was so astonishing that “The moon hid its face in shame before her.”

Mumtaz Mahal was her name meaning: "The Chosen One of the Palace"

The two were betrothed when Arjumand was fourteen years old, but would marry 15 years later to ensure that they had a happy marriage according to custom. After being married, Arjumand Banu Begum, became the Empress of India. She was her husband’s favorite of his three wives. She accompanied him everywhere. He even bestowed a position of political power as she gave him wise counsel in all of his affairs.

The Prince would rise to the position of “Shah Jahan” which means “King of the World”. He would see the Mughal Empire at its zenith of power and riches. Precious jewels were abundant in Indian soil and the royals would enjoy a lifestyle to prove it. Throughout his reign, accompanying him was Arjumand Banu Bengum, who he renamed Mumtaz Mahal, meaning “The Chosen One of the Palace”.

The Shah had two other wives and Mumtaz Mahal was his third. But a court chronicler of the time writes of their love affair: “The intimacy, deep affection, attention and favor which His Majesty had for the Cradle of Excellence exceeded by a thousand times what he felt for any other.” The two were devoted to one another. While giving birth to their fourteenth child, Mumtaz Mahal died, leaving her husband Shah Jahan “inconsolable”. It is said that he grieved for two years.

The Shah began constructing the Taj Mahal on the River in Agra, India as a mausoleum to his soul mate, Mumtaz Mahal. It would take 22 years to complete with labor and supplies brought in from all over India and other locations around the world. He would insist on perfection for his deceased wife. The Shah was deposed by his son and kept on house arrest. When he died, his son respectfully buried his father with Mumtaz Mahal in the newly erected Taj Mahal meaning “The Crown Palace”.

There the two remain to hopefully spend the rest of eternity together. As tourists flock to Agra, I hope that they are in awe not only in the beautiful architecture of this world wonder, but the mission that began its construction. It is indeed an “elegy to love” as some would say. When describing the Taj Mahal, the Shah Jahan said the following:

“Should guilty seek asylum here,
Like one pardoned, he becomes free from sin.
Should a sinner make his way to this mansion,
All his past sins are to be washed away.
The sight of this mansion creates sorrowing sighs;
And the sun and the moon shed tears from their eyes.
In this world this edifice has been made;
To display thereby the creator’s glory.”

Dare the modern woman start to believe in love again after reading this herstory?

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

What it takes to make a modern woman

The Bonnie Behind Clyde

Other Posts by Eryn:

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

Bonnie Parker

Bonnie Elizabeth Parker was the Camel chain-smoking, rifle handling evader of the law from West Dallas, TX. Bonnie goes unrecognized if her name is not accompanied by Clyde and the converse is also true. In the history books, she goes down as merely an accomplice of Clyde and an outlaw. But there was more to this lawless lady than what was made of her memory in movies and renditions of her life. Bonnie followed love to the death. In her poems, Bonnie left glimpses of her intelligence, her creativity, and the sensitive soul that was harbored by tough features and a gun.

She was born to Charles and Emma Parker in Rowena, TX. After her father died, her mother moved Bonnie and her other two children to West Dallas, TX to what was then named “Cement City”. Cement City was an area of filth. If you think of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle, you can imagine what life was like for young Bonnie. She was born into poverty and she lost her father at the age of four. Stories like Bonnie’s are what lead to theories of young girls going bad in the chase for the affections of a man.

From reading her poetry and other historical accounts of her life, Bonnie seems to have had it all. She makes allusions to her own beauty but reminisces on this beauty as if it was something that she lost. In her poem The Street Girl, she says:

“But that day I came in from the country,
With my hair down my back in a curl;
Through the length and the breadth of the city,
There was never a prettier girl.”

From this excerpt, we can see that at one point in time, Bonnie considered herself beautiful. However, in other parts of this work, it is obvious that Bonnie considered her own beauty as something of the past. In the same poem, Bonnie writes:

“You think I’m still good-looking honey!
But no I am faded and spent,
Even Helen of Troy would look seedy,
If she followed the pace I went.”

Bonnie Parker

This excerpt of her poem is especially important because Bonnie references Helen of Troy. As I investigate Bonnie, I am curious of her referencing this herstory of Greek mythology in her pieces. War waged because of Helen who was said to be the most beautiful woman in the world. But Bonnie would be the one to wage war on behalf of her beloved Clyde. Bonnie’s knowledge of Greek mythology speaks to her intellect. She excelled in creative writing, won a County League literary contest, and also opened speeches for local politicians. So what made Bonnie trade a life of the legitimate books to thieving banker’s books? His name was Barrow, Clyde Barrow.

Although she is remembered for her affair with Clyde, Bonnie actually married her high school sweetheart in 1926 at 16 years old. His name was Roy Thornton. The two separated three years later in 1929 and the “the two never saw each other again.” When she was gunned down, Bonnie was wearing Thornton’s wedding ring.

In her poem The Trail’s End, Bonnie tells us a little something personal about her companion Clyde. Although the FBI and authorities followed this duo to the end,  Bonnie writes:

“They call them cold-blooded killers
they say they are heartless and mean.
But I say this with pride
that I once knew Clyde,
when he was honest and upright and clean.”

Documents reveal that Clyde had a sketchy past. He was arrested a few times before meeting Bonnie. Her first husband Thornton was a convicted murder and Clyde was a petty criminal too. Dare I suggest that Bonnie had a thing for the “bad boys”. Her poem goes on to say: “But the law turned around kept taking him down and locking him up in a cell. Till he said to me; “I’ll never be free, so I’ll meet a few of them in hell.”

There was a time when the Bonnie was separated from her soul mate, Clyde. On a job, Bonnie was caught and Clyde managed to escape. When she was jailed, Bonnie wrote one of her most powerful pieces, Suicide Sal. In this poem, Bonnie narrates her own story, using the name ‘Sal’ to refer to herself.  Within the work, Sal ends up killing her lover who left her in jail, and later, herself. Perhaps this piece indicates how Bonnie felt about Clyde’s betrayal.

He never came to see her in jail. He couldn’t because doing so would put him in the hands of the police and he would be locked away too. After Bonnie was released from prison on a “no bill”, the two quickly reunited. In the Paul Schneider’s Book Bonnie and Clyde: The Life Behind the Legend, he talks about the role of Bonnie’s intuitive mother picking up on the chemistry between her daughter Bonnie and her lover Clyde. Schneider’s book was also interesting in that it begins with a quote from J. Edgar Hoover, the F.B.I. agent who followed the dynamic duo. J. Edgar Hoover was also responsible for launching and leading operatives against Malcom X, the Black Panthers, Martin Luther King Jr., Marcus Garvey etc…J.Edgar Hoover was after all of history’s most interesting people.

Bonnie’s piece Suicide Sal, she tells us more about the reputation of her and Clyde. From Bonnie’s non-fiction, it looks as if the two weren’t guilty for half as much as they were accused of. She says: “If a policeman is killed in Dallas and they have no clue or guide, If they can’t find a friend, they just wipe the slate clean and hang it on Bonnie and Clyde.” From my studies of Black History Month and FBI involvement with great black leaders, Bonnie’s claims are credible. The COINTELPRO operative was infamous for sabotaging efforts and lives of prominent members in the Civil Rights Movement and these same tactics were probably used against the poor Southerners Bonnie and Clyde.

Bonnie also reveals a tie to religion as she writes: “They don’t think they’re too smart of desperate, they know that the law always wins, They’ve been shot at before ; but they do not ignore, that death is the wages of sin.” Bonnie believed that she and Clyde’s love had a special ingredient to make it last for all eternity. She writes: “Some day they’ll go down together they’ll bury them side by side to few it’ll be grief to the law of relief but it’s death for Bonnie and Clyde.” I was especially moved when I read these words of Bonnie Parker:

A man can break every commandment
And the world will still lend him a hand,
Yet a girl that has loved, but un-wisely
Is an outcast all over the land.

She was acutely aware of her position as a female outlaw in love and criminality. What girl hasn’t loved ‘but unwisely’?

Bonnie’s poems were found at the hideout she had with Clyde.  Suicide Sal was written in a bank book while she was imprisoned. I’m so thankful that this woman wrote herstory. She left us clues on the don’ts and do’s of love and crime.

Bonnie Parker's gravestone

Bonnie and Clyde were gunned down in 1934 in Bienville, Louisiana. Though newspapers and fairy tales have Bonnie painted as a villain, a murder, and a marauder, she was still remembered sweetly. Her grave reads: “As the flowers are all made sweeter by the sunshine and the dew, so the old world is made brighter by the lives of folks like you.”

As a fellow writer, I am inspired by Bonnie Parker. Her written word documents her life. She loved, lost, and then she loved Clyde to the end.

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

What it takes to make a modern woman

Other Posts by Eryn:

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

In February of 2010, a 7 year old girl was allowed to be the drum corps queen at Brazil’s infamous Carnival celebration. Many male bachelors I have met fantasize about hosting their “last night as a single man” in Brazil. Brazilian women are considered incredibly exotic and beautiful. The Carnival celebration in Brazil is often a celebration of debauchery and lawlessness. And yet, we see a 7 year old girl allowed to be the center of attention at this event. Several critics of of the drum corps queen cite that this role is reserved for “sultry actresses and models”. It is a traditionally “sexy” role. Men at the carnival are driven there to see the scantily clad gorgeous Brazilian women move their bodies in sensual rhythm. The young Julia Lira was placed in the limelight and absolutely sexualized to an immoral degree.

Was this girl prepared for the comments and intrusive eyes of Carnival attendees? I am torn because a part of me sincerely hopes that she was not at all prepared, because 7 year old girls should not be exposed to this amount of attention. However, the other part of me is aware of the perverse practices of child pornography, prostitution and exploitation occurring in Brazil and all over the world. These children are no longer treated as young girls. They are thrust into a world of sex that should not happen at their age. Women’s Herstory Month should include coverage on great women of the past, but also discuss the transition that has taken place to shorten our girlhoods.

Julia Lira "Drum Corps Queen NOT Princess"

Julia Lira has made Herstory this February. She was the youngest drum corps queen ever, but that pales in comparison to the precedent that was set for girls Brazil this year. By allowing such a young girl to be showcased as an icon of sexual desire and attraction, the subtext created was that finding such young girls attractive is acceptable in Brazil. This will have dire explications for the Olympics to be held there in 2016. When Brazilian officials were questioned why they would allow a child to perform this role, they answered that they were trying to gain exposure to the city before the Olympic games in 2016. What exposure were they looking for? What were they propagating with a 7 year old girl leading the line of dancers? Obviously, their efforts worked, as the Julia Lira story is now available as  propaganda on travel sites! Moreover, there was a 5% increase in visits to Rio this year for the Carnival celebration. In light of the economic recession, that seems uncanny. But with the new “attractions”, sex tourists have even more to feast their eyes on.

Reports show that after the tsunami in Asia, sex tourists are flocking to Latin America and especially Brazil. With images of the young Julia Lira in the mind of pedophiles, this will have drastic consequences for the young children born in the Amazon and smuggled into the sex slave trade. It will be heartbreaking, ground-breaking, and we will witness a social shift  in Brazil and other countries in Latin America after Julia Lira was made into a sexual spectacle. Julia Lira is not a “preteen” as some headlines called her (ridiculous because the teen years do not begin until 13). Julia Lira is a very young woman who has re-focused Herstory.

The question therein is: How do we educate these very young women? As was discussed yesterday on the Herstory of Somaly Mam, there is demand for sex with children. Obviously, there are parents who willingly subject their children to these fierce desires. Poverty leaves people with few choices. Although it is an adaptation that churns my stomach, we must adapt with this social shift. We need to educate very young women about what potential danger lies ahead. We need to instruct  young women about what it means to be a woman. In so doing, we will be forced to define womanhood. I struggle with the answer myself. My question to the readers again is: What makes a woman? And how do we school the new wave of very young women? A major part of this undertaking is educating ourselves. Please watch documentaries and search credible websites for more information on human trafficking, child prostitution, and sexual exploitation world-wide. Knowledge is Power!

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

The Herstory of Somaly Mam

Other Posts by Eryn:

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker

Somaly Mam

On September 8, 2008 I was fortunate to hear Somaly Mam speak at Fordham University in New York. Somaly is a survivor of rape, forced prostitution, and a forerunner in the fight against human trafficking. She was Glamour Magazine’s Woman of the Year in 2006. She’s been a guest on the Tyra Banks show alongside Susan Sarandon. Somaly Mam has even met with the Queen of Spain. These are but a few of the wonderful accomplishments of this genuinely sweet and lovely woman from Cambodia.

Somaly Mam has a very moving story. She pioneered her own shelter in Cambodia for young children and adolescents who have worked in brothels in Cambodia and across the world. In the brothels of Cambodia and elsewhere, there was, and still is, little choice for the young women and children who work in them. Many are there out of economic need. Some are sold by family members for a profit, others are kidnapped and sold to the brothel, and others would rather work in a brothel than to see their families hungry and sick. In her speech, Somaly reflected back to the time when she lived the brothel life. She witnessed a friend’s murder, and admitted to wanting to murder that man who left her only friend slain. For Somaly, she didn’t know what love was growing up. She didn’t know what life was.

At 12 years old, Somaly was sold to a brothel by a man that she called her grandfather. She considered escaping the brothel, but then wondered why. No one loved her outside of the brothel. Somaly pointed out that child prostitutes are victimized three-fold. They are punished by laws that don’t give due process.  They are stigmatized by society,and by their families. If girls become prostitutes, their families won’t take them back because they are seen as “bad luck”. Men are rarely prosecuted for crimes related to prostitution in Cambodia. Somaly shared that out of 4,000 cases of child prostitution that she knew of at the time of this speech, only 3 men were convicted and sentenced to the maximum 3 year sentence.

Somaly Mam also shared the following figures and facts about child prostitution in Cambodia’s Phnom Penh: 70% of the patrons at these brothels are local males. They target young girls as young as age 4 and 5. In the West, sex with children ages 4 and 5 is considered statutory rape, reprehensible, and these men would be labeled as pedophiles. Somaly Mam detailed specific reasons why these brothel frequenters target incredibly young children and explained that it is due to the belief systems of the society. For example, these men that sexually exploit children believe that sex with a virgin will cure HIV, give them white skin, and perpetuate longevity etc… After losing their virginity, many young girls will get stitches to be sold as a virgin again because virgins turn a higher profit than children who have already lost their virginity. Unsurprisingly, 30% of the patrons of these often dirty and clandestine brothels are Westerners. Somaly Mam also shared that these victims of this abuse are HIV positive and they are going to die. Although brothel owners turn immense profits from reselling the virginity of these young children and exploiting these teens and adolescents, these forced child prostitutes will still die of HIV because money for the resources and medication to treat them is in the pockets of the sick individuals who fuel this system. Their lives are short- lived and horrific. Their innocence is stolen for 5 minutes of pleasure to satisfy the unquenchable appetites of pedophiles.

Women don’t have equal rights in Cambodia. They sacrifice their lives for the family. One question posed to Somaly was, “How do we combat human trafficking?” She answered, “Work with politics and government. Law and commitment to those laws need to be in place in order to make a change. We need to react more encouraged.” She suggested that attenders visit her website at somaly.org as well visit the Red Light Children’s Organization. Somaly Mam has done incredible work with establishing programs for young woman who have sold themselves to the brothel and has worked with these young girls to reclaim their lives. It is absolutely inspirational work that she is doing with these young people. Perhaps the most important contribution that Somaly Mam has made in the fight against human trafficking is sharing her testimony and making the world aware that it is such a global problem. Human trafficking is the second most lucrative business only to arms trafficking.

Progressive steps that Somaly has taken to change the faulty thinking of brothel goers includes speaking with military officers in Cambodia about changes in sexual behavior. If there was no demand for sex with children, there wouldn’t be child brothels. Hence, she speaks to military personal about love-making with their wives, using condoms, HIV, and awareness of other STD’s. The discussion also included a need to attack transnational-child pornography. Attenders were encouraged to talk about these issues of human trafficking, transnational pornography, pedophilia and child prostitution with friends, families, colleagues to spread awareness.

The best resource for learning more about Somaly Mam’s incredible story is her autobiography: The Road of Loss Innocence. It’s one of the best books that I’ve ever read.

Please stay involved in our Herstory Month Series!

Hawaii’s Queen

Other Posts by Eryn:

Black History’s Leading Literary Lady

Making a Madam

Burning Black Wall Street

The Black Panther Party For Self Defense

In the name of Science…

Intelligence of Interference? COINTELPRO and the Black Panther Party

“How they sold Marcus Garvey for rice”-LH

Trippin on X

Yes you’re a woman…just a different kind

Justin Bua and Urban Realism

And then there was hip hop

Vote to Discontinue Black History Month

So Soulful

Black and Gay? No Way!

Colored People’s Time

Where’s my Forty Acres and a Mule

Too black to be white, too white to be black

I don’t date outside my species!

Caging the Khosian Woman

Branding the Black Woman

Savagely Celebrating the Negro National Anthem

Awakening A’Lelia Walker