“Slut, Home-wrecker, Sloppy Seconds Whore!” These are but a few of the slurs tagged to women who are found to be partaking in an extramarital affair. The idea of an “affair” is interesting and a relatively new term. There are plenty of Biblical stories of concubines, sultans have always had harems, and men sleeping with other women can be found in most accounts of great historical figures. In our Herstory Series, the Shah Jahan had two other wives that he was married to. Mumtaz Mahal, the woman who inspired the building of the Taj Mahal, was aware and for all intents and purposes okay with this arrangement. So, how do we understand an affair? How is it different than a concubine? Who are these women that are sleeping with married men?
The definition for a concubine as provided by dictionary.com reads: a woman who cohabits with a man to whom she is not legally married, esp. one regarded as socially or sexually subservient; mistress. Here, we learn that concubines are sexually subservient to men. I wonder if all women involved in affairs with married men would agree with this definition. These women would probably argue that “there’s so much more to the relationship than sex!” or “He doesn’t love his wife anymore!” My question is, if he doesn’t love his wife, why is he still married to her? If he didn’t have some concern for the status of the marriage, why would he be hiding his affair? (These are not rhetorical questions. Please provide answers if you have them in the comments section.)
So, let’s go with the above argument and suppose that there is so much more to the relationship than sex. Topdatingtips.com has a very good article on the dangers of having an affair with a married man. The article tackles the conflict of having an affair with a married man from every angle. There is often a great deal of lying and manipulation that takes place on the part of the man to both his spouse and the other woman. One interesting point that this article points out is that the other woman will begin socially withdrawing from her friends because they may not agree with her behavior. I would socially withdraw from such an individual as well but not because I would impose my moral judgment on them. I would be afraid that the manipulation, under-handed antics, and lying that this woman has to do in order to maintain her extramarital affair will certainly express itself in other relationships. Just like the saying goes: “Once a cheat, always a cheat”. And I add, “Once a liar, always a liar.”
As I read the article on Topdatingtips.com, my heart was actually moved by the women having affairs with these married men. They are told to be grateful for what little time they can spend with married lovers, are often mistreated and lied to in the relationship. How do these women get involved in these unhealthy relationships and why do they stay in them? AdultWonderful.com writes about the practice of married men portraying themselves as single and then revealing their married status after the women falls in love. That’s plausible but that is not the case for every situation. Some women enter these arrangements knowingly and without being coerced. Of concern to me is that women fall in love with married men and can experience an intense emotional commitment to their married lovers. On the flip side of the coin, the other woman will be left bruised, and emotionally and mentally scarred for a lifetime. Remember the movie Fatal Attraction with Glenn Close?
In discussions that I have had on this topic, some woman feel that it is safer to be the mistress than the wife. Others say that they can continue to live their own lives without being fully committed to the man. Surprisingly, some “mistresses” claimed that were treated better than the wife I’ve heard. On the surface, that sounds like a decent deal. You get to be treated, doted on with love and kisses, and you don’t have to be restricted to a monogamous relationship. That sounds like a package deal…for some. But what about snuggling in on a Saturday morning with flannel pajamas and hot cocoa with your sweetie? The married man probably won’t do that with the other woman, there’s a greater chance of them doing it with their wives.
Please watch this video on: “Why do women have affairs with married men?” This is a great video that looks at the perspective of the other woman and what she gains from her relationship with a married man.
I am so curious to understand women who are sleeping with married men. I’m even more curious about women who fall in-love with married men. I have a few questions for the readers:
1.) When considering having an affair with a married person, doesn’t the moral ethics of womanhood kick in and alert the other woman that karma’s a ho, and will bite her around ten times harder?
2.) Do you ever think about his married spouse?
3.) Does the trust factor come into play in these rendezvous? Are the other women really able to trust their married lovers?
4.) Is there a such thing as a successful affair?
5.) Have you ever been approached by a married man? How did that start and end? Please spare no details.
6.) Concubines and harems were once socially accepted arrangements and parts of everyday life. How have we come to conceive of sex out of the context of marriage as an affair? Is it fair to do so?
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